The Lizard Wore Bunny Slippers...

There was a lizard in my store this morning when I came to work. My mom came and stood guard while I went home to get the cats. It's their job to seek, capture, kill, and utterly destroy. They've been napping in the dressing room all day. (Totally unaware that they have eaten their last meal. I don't feed those who don't work.) Mom went home to get dad (he still can't drive because of his knee replacement). We couldn't find the evil creature, and dad said all the right things to convince me that the beast would find its way out and I would likely never see him again. They left, and I went next door for a bathroom break...since I hadn't found Satan's Spawn, I of course couldn't use my facilities. A lizard's #1 hiding spot is under the rim of a toilet. You probably didn't know that, did you? Imagine how many have almost crawled up...never mind. Focus.....Anyway. I went next door. When I returned, HE WAS WAITING FOR ME by the bookshelf. Of course, I screamed. Which made the three men waiting in the parking lot chuckle quite a bit. But only one was brave enough to come investigate. While the other two stood behind him and peered around him. It was quite obvious that even though they laughed at me, it was a cover-up for the terror they felt being that close to something capable of eating out your eyeballs. They gave up. Unable to find Lucifer the Lizard. I then did the only thing I could do. Call on Clause 17 found in Article 13, Section 2B which states, in part...."In addition, the Plaintiff therefore now and forever more, realizes the very real and ever present danger of both reptiles and amphibians in the great state of Arkansas. Since the Defendant agrees to remain in the great state of Arkansas, the Plaintiff is under legal obligation to now and forever more always be available to seek, capture, kill, and utterly destroy, any reptiles or amphibians that may threaten the life of the Defendant, or their offspring. This mission, it is understood by the acknowledgement of the signature of the Plaintiff on the court's document, will always take precedence over any activity or endeavor that the Plaintiff may find himself involved in. So says the Court." So. I called the Plaintiff. He had taken our children to lunch. I explained that they needed to wrap it up, and come catch a lizard. (Remember. We lived in Baton Rouge for 4 years. This was not the first call of this nature he had ever received.) In the meantime, I propped the door of the store open. And stood an a chair, holding a broom. Because this is appropriate combat positon. In my stealth position, Lucifer the Lizard peeked his head out from behind the bookcase. I stifled a scream. We made eye contact. I will see those black beads in my sleep tonight. I remained in positon. Hoping he would think I spend all my time on a chair, holding a broom. He inched his way toward the door. Stopping on the threshold. Trying to decide whether to return to the world, or... quick like a cat, spin around and lunge for my eyeballs. My heart actually stopped beating for a few minutes while I waited to see what he would do. He stepped outside. I used my broom handle to push the fire extenguisher that had been propping the door open, out of the way. The vet pulled into the parking lot, and appropriately removed the evil creature from the sidewalk and property. He knows his job, and out the door is not sufficient. I want a death certificate.
It was only after I knew for certain that our lives had been spared that I could smile. At the image of Lucifer the Lizard creeping out of here. With four dust bunny slippers on his feet, courtesy of the land..."Behind the Bookshelves"...