"Do you really think you are qualified to homeschool?" Not at all. Not one single day. It's the hardest thing I've taken on so far in my life. But we are managing. When I am weak, God is strong. And my children are thriving.
"Why didn't you wear makeup today?" I don't know. I was awakened this morning by the sound of blue birds chirping merrily outside my window. Which was opened a perfect 3 3/4" to let the breeze waft thru my bedroom, bringing in the sweet fragrence of the nearby honeysuckle. Someone had already brewed the perfect cup of coffee, which was waiting next to my bed with a perfectly folded newspaper which only spoke of world peace and prosperity. When I emerged from my boudoir, I passed thru an immaculate house to rouse my precious offspring. They bounced out of bed with radiant faces and hair that was already magically perfectly coiffed for the day. "Good morning, Mother. We are so thrilled to begin a new, and exciting day. What can we help you with this morning before we start our fascinating studies?" "Oh, my precious dears. I have it all completely under control. Take your time readying yourself for the day. The car will be round to pick us up in a bit to transport us to the downtown offices."
Oh. Wait. Reality check. I woke up to the sound of the dog barfing next to my bed. I caught sight of the alarm clock across the room, laying on the floor. Must have thrown it as I turned it off. As I untagled myself from various limbs and drool (surely someday they will stay in their own beds) I dodge the upchuck to hurry the four legged creature out the back door. I hear the crash of a glass that never made it to the dishwasher last night. THe dishwasher that I forgot to run. The cat meows from the top of the kitchen counter. Coffee is not happening. That would require coffee grounds that I forgot yesterday at the store. "GET UP! GET UP!! GET UP!!!. We have to be at the store in 25 minutes. No one showers this morning. Remember that the garage door is broken and I don't know where my house key is. We'll go out the back and scale the fence. Get your jeans out of the dirty clothes and spray them with Febreeze. Hurry!!
"What's for lunch/dinner/breakfast 3 weeks from now?" This one gets me every time...and my Bs know it. I have been a mother for 4,954 days. Not one single day in all those days have my children missed a meal. Rarely have they missed a snack. And yet, on a regular (daily) basis, do they need reassurance that the next meal is in fact coming. My mother has suggested that I put each of them in charge of different meals...remove the monkey from my back. I think this is a fantastic idea. The problem...I really like being in control. Really. But that is a whole other note for a whole other day.
"Are you ever going to marry again?" Sorry. Not that kind of a note.
"Why do you have so many pets?" I do not know. I mean, sure, I can explain the reason and purpose behind each one. But collectively-pure insanity on my part. I have finally taught my children not to hover outside my bedroom door, waiting for me to emerge...but I have yet to train the menagerie of four legged critters. And while they wait, they drool. Yuck.
which brings us to the next most common question..."Why did you stay in your room so long? What were you doing?" Well, it was a conference meeting. All 23 of my personalities showed up, and frankly it takes some time to get organized. Rarely can we agree on a seating chart-everyone wants to be in charge (except that weird one that just sits and twirls her hair), and we were trying to decide what is actually for lunch-try taking a vote with that crew...
Are you kidding me?? Ummm, self-employed, single mother of 2 tweens and a teen....I was laying on my bed with a cold washcloth...wondering if China might actually be on to something....Oh give me a break. You know every single one of you reading this has entertained the idea of state mandated sterilization.
"Are you very close to your sister?" No jokes, no sarcasm. She is my next breath...always. I would rather give up a limb-or limbs- than my sister. Next to introducing us to Christ, giving us each other is in my opinion, the single most successful thing my parents have done. They taught us to love each other, to respect each other, to cherish. If I can pass the same legacy to my girls...they will make it thru life just fine. "Did the two of you fight growing up?" Rarely. But when we did, she was always in the wrong, and I always won....That's right.... Its my note.
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